How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
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Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
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Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
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