My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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