I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
