8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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