At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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