Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
