Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
It was confusing and full of hummus
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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