Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
