a queef is a wish your heart makes.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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