i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
