i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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