i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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