im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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