I heard we made out
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
