I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
