did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
