Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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