My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I'm having to shit out rocks
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