i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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