those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
