we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
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You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
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Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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