my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Wipe that smile off your face.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
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i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
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The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........