Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?