It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
