Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
