I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
