someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
