I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
