I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
