Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
