So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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