Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
