I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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