I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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