i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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