Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
