This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
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You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
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If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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