giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
