he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
