never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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