I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
