i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
