You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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