He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Randomize
