forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
