it was like eating out sand paper
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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