What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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