Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
How's work?
Spinning.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
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