I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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