If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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