I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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