he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
