What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
