I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
