I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
