After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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