I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
This is the prime rib incident all over again
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
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