Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
