Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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