Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
