We won't sleep together?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
