Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
