The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
