Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
