if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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