I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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