I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
