i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
