i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
