you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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