my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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