he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
