i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
