remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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