Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
