My underwear smells like fireworks.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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