My hand turned me down
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
