We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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