How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
