My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.