One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i dont even know how to be here
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
