1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen