Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
