At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
