No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.