mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"