why didn't you poke me back
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.