Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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