Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
